Friday, February 11, 2005

How to Brainwash Your Co-Workers (. . . maybe)

Having trouble at work? Want your colleagues to like you? Do you want to make ornery co-workers become your bidding slaves? The follow these easy instructions to send subliminal messages to your co-workers:

(1) Open Microsoft Word

(2) Go to the "Watermark" feature, usually in the "Format" menu of the latest versions of MS Word.

(3) Choose "Add Watermark". Then type in the subliminal message you want to give, e.g. "GIVE RAISE". I prefer using all caps, and one-syllable words.

(4) Custom change the color of the watermark to a very faint gray. I find that (253,253,253) is the safest, yet most latently visible.

(5) Print out a few hundred copies of these "blank" pages which have the faint watermark -OR- Print out groups of 20-30 pages several times over the course of the day.

(6) Put the blank pages back into the printer tray. NOTE: Depending on how your printer rolls off documents, you may have to put the watermark in face down so that the watermark is face up.

(7) Now, whenever your co-workers print out a document, their subconscious will absorb the phrase.

___________________
Opinions vary on the effectiveness of subliminal messages, or if this form of subliminal messaging works. The best empirical evidence of subliminal messaging I've seen comes from the new book Blink : The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell, where he cites the successful efforts of a professor to make his test subjects feel old, polite, or rude by carefully placed words in a red-herring test. However, this form of subliminal message takes a completely different form the kind I suggest.

However, I knew a guy who did the experiment. For a week week, in the above described process, he placed the subliminal message "WEAR ORANGE" on everyone's paper. Before he started, he noticed virtually no one wearing orange. Later, some of his co-workers wear orange, or colors like orange, such as certain browns or yellow and red together. For me, it's evidence, but not conclusive evidence. Personal observations could be biased, or the phenomena may be explained by an upturn in the temperature that week.

5 Comments:

At 2:28 AM, Blogger Karridine said...

Sir,
Concur yr analysis: the jury's out on subliminal, but for various reasons, to wit: it may work so well in movies and audio that they don't WANT to reveal studies which show that it really reduces theft and pilferage.

But I still think you deserve a raise!

 
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At 5:11 PM, Blogger Personal Development said...

Your subconscious mind is a powerful force. It can be an un-defeatable ally or a dangerous foe! It is a powerful force of nature that can be harnessed and made to work for us or it can be a wild beast that runs riot with our lives.
How powerful is 'powerful'?
Take the first Atomic Bomb - it could lay waste to an entire city in seconds. Or the gravitational pull of the Sun which stops our tiny planet from hurtling into space. Imagine the power of a black hole - that region of spacetime from which nothing can escape not even light travelling at 186 thousand miles a second. The Universe is full of powerful forces. Yet, all these wondrous things pale into insignificance when compared to the power of the subconscious mind.
The subconscious part of your mind is that part which regulates your heartbeat, lungs, digestive system and everything else in your body. It directs the inner workings of your body and such things as (what biologists call) 'machines' - tiny living cells that are composed of motors, drive-shafts and propellers - seriously!!! There is mounting evidence that the cells in our bodies have memory and that our very DNA is coded with memories of our ancestors. As well as having full control of all these functions and more your subconscious also retains all the thoughts, experiences and emotions you have ever felt. It regulates the most complicated mechanism in the unknown Universe - your body - and it can calculate the trajectory of multiple moving objects while supplying you with the words necessary to debate an issue while controlling a complex task of activities such as driving a car!
These tasks alone show how powerful the subconscious mind is. But it is much more powerful than that!
The truth is: No-one knows the limits of the subconscious mind's power!
Tell yourself that you will wake up at 6 a.m. and chances are you will awake. Go to a crowed party and through a mass of voices you will hear someone at the other side of the room mention your name! Set a problem aside and miraculously, out of nowhere, the answer comes while you are involved in another task. It recreates situations in your life that correspond to your beliefs. Time and time again you find yourself in the same situations, with similar partners, in almost identical jobs. Like a wheel your subconscious mind creates situations that bring your life back to the same spot.
Likewise it can totally transform your life - even overnight! It can bring you new situations, life experiences, luxuries and even people.
However, it is like a na�ve child or a better analogy is that of a computer. It believes everything that you tell it. Your conscious mind is the gatekeeper. Anything you think with complete faith is immediately past to the subconscious mind - which it then takes as literal fact. There will be no arguments because it has no discriminating capabilities.
Although your subconscious mind is more powerful than you can possibly imagine it is a mere servant. It is at your disposal. YOU are in charge. It acts just like a computer and like every computer it needs software to run. So if you do not program it then someone else will! You are constantly being bombarded with software programs for the mind every minute of everyday. Buy this product and you will look slim, drive this car and you will seem sexy, drink this potion and you will feel more vibrant about life. You are told what to buy and when to buy it, when you are too young to do a thing and when you are too old. You are told what is possible and what is not. Snap out of it!
Take back your control over mind and body. You were born with the most powerful computer system known to man - a bio-computer that regulates a sophisticated, highly flexible, changeable, self repairing vehicle. You are amazing, a true miracle. If you bought a new top of the range diesel Mercedes would you let Joe or Sue down the road fill it up with petrol?
Begin to think for yourself. Who told you that you could not achieve your dreams? Do you believe it? Who told you that you were too fat, too skinny, too stupid, too smart, too young or too old?
Does it matter?
No! Because you are and always have been in total control. Change your thinking and you will change your subconscious beliefs. Change your subconscious beliefs and you will change your life. subliminal messages

 

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